You're confused??! But you're the one who is meant to help me! Are you in a weird mood? Could you be malfunctioning? I'm worried. What would you tell me to do if I ask for advice on the best entrance?\n\n[[1. Bacon Ridge|2a]]\n[[2. Any one but the Microsoft Word Entrance|2b]]\n[[3. You should totally go under the fence on the upper left enbankment|2c]]

Christy Dena

Okayyyyyy. I've never met a Park Guide that speaks like that. But hey, having a personality is good. So, according to your data, what is the best entrance for me to go through?\n\n[[1. Bacon Ridge|2a]]\n[[2. Any one but the Microsoft Word Entrance|2b]]\n[[3. You should totally go under the fence on the upper left enbankment|2c]]

So these are weird. They have figurines like all toy stores do. But these are quite different. They all...look the same. They're all the same figure, really, male. And the characters are just painted on. But you know what is really weird? The figures aren't characters from movies or games. They're the people I've seen around the park. And I can see myself. I'm scared. Can you tell me how to get out of here? Why are you looking at me like that...?

I'm sure you'll remind me how clever you are this whole time we're together. No problem, just as long as you do help me! I'm so excited about this. What is the best entrance for me to start with?\n\n[[1. Bacon Ridge|2a]]\n[[2. Any one but the Microsoft Word Entrance|2b]]\n[[3. You should totally go under the fence on the upper left enbankment|2c]]

It is not every day you get to visit Disneyland Mars! Well not you specifically. YOU go to Disneyland Mars all the time. You assist the park attendees, giving them advice about which ride is the best at what time, where the toilets are, which snack won't make you puke. \n\nI'm: \n[[1. pretty clever|1clever]]\n[[2. amazing|1know]]\n[[3. confused about what is going on|1confused]]

Mars Ride

Whoa! The smell here is incredible! I could eat the air! And even the tickets feel like crackling bacon. This is such a good suggestion. Thank you. OK, I completely trust you now. Looking around, I see long lines to rides. I want to go on the best ride though. What do you recommend?\n\n[[1. Volcano of Death|3a]]\n[[2. Pony Picnic|3b]]\n[[3. Madhatter Ride 3000|3c]]

I couldn't help myself! I had to do the Microsoft Word Entrance! But now I know exactly what you tried to warn me about. :( I paid through my nose for the ticket, the map is just a wall of bullet-point text...and now it seems the rest of the park is incompatible with this entrance. OK, I'll listen to you now and go to [[Bacon Ridge|2a]]

OH THANKS A MILLION!!! So now they've arrested me for breaking into the park with no ticket. They even tasered my butt!! I screamed that the Park Guide directed me here and they laughed. Apparently you really entertain the staff here with your antics. Well ha ha! Glad I made your day fun. Now I have to travel all the way back to Earth without seeing any of the rides. I hope you get assigned a malfunctioning killer robot.

Madhatter Ride 3000. I have only myself to blame really. You probably just recommended that ride as a joke, and I went for it. I mean, with that name -- what else could I expect? So yeah, the tea-cups through the mechnical forest was very, very, slow. I'm sure you're having a good laugh now. Fine! Okay, give me a break and tell me what to eat now.\n\n[[1. Sushi|4a]]\n[[2. Lime Soda and Cookie|4b]]\n[[3. You should not eat anything at this park|4c]]

You probably told me to do that ride as a joke. But it was ACE! Sure, all the parents were staring at me sitting on that pink pony all by myself. And they moved their daughters away from me. But I'm used to that. Feeling really good now. I think you get me. So what do you recommend I eat?\n\n[[1. Sushi|4a]]\n[[2. Lime Soda and Cookie|4b]]\n[[3. You should not eat anything at this park|4c]]

That was the freakiest ride ever. We're on Mars, right? It is sweltering hot outside, and the Volcano of Death is bloody FREEZING! Why are there snowmen in a Volcano? Why can I hire skiis? I don't understand. How is that the best ride? Look, I'm going to believe you and not bother with any other rides. So now to food. What do you recommend?\n\n[[1. Sushi|4a]]\n[[2. Lime Soda and Cookies|4b]]\n[[3. You should not eat anything at this park|4c]]

Oh ha! This is gross. So as you know, it is a fake vomit pack. There are three types of vomit. One looks like it was after eating a roast dinner, another looks like it was after bingeing on lollies at Halloween, and the third...looks like a human finger is there. Cannibal vomit? Really? That is what you recommended to me? Funny. But weird. I wonder why you recommended that one. Hey, is this like a sign of things to come? Should I be worried? Tell me I'll get out of this park fine. What is that you're holding...?

I think you're actually being nice to me! Those cookies and lime soda were lovely. It really hit the spot. But I must admit, it did seem to cost a lot. Especially compared to everything else. I hope you're not getting a kickback from the vendor...Oh well, I should presume the best of people! So, as I leave this fun park, what merchandise do you recommend I buy?\n\n[[1. Gender Friendly Figurines|5a]]\n[[2. Regurgitated Dinner Simulation Pack|5b]]\n[[3. Evil Motar Raaaah Pencil Case|5c]]

Ok, I trust you. I'm not buying any food. I'm REALLLLLLY hungry though. So I have to go home. I have this weird condition if I don't have food at constant intervals, where I have get faint and then start singing songs. You don't want that to happen. So I'm at the shop now, about to leave. What should I buy as a momento?\n\n[[1. Gender Friendly Figurines|5a]]\n[[2. Regurgitated Dinner Simulation Pack|5b]]\n[[3. Evil Motar Raaaah Pencil Case|5c]]

Oh I love this!! The Evil Motar Raaaah Pencil Case is so cute. So it is clear, with black lines, a strong sturdy zip, and a perfumed eraser is free with it. A real bargain. I will carry this with me everywhere. I don't know how you did it, but you really did choose the stuff that was right for me. You must be some incredible AI. Or a really attentive, and lonely, human.

Sushi. Ummmmm. That wasn't Sushi. You should have warned me it was made from alien fish stuff! I have no idea if it was a mutant or not. If it was beyond its used-by date or not. I used all the soy-sauce in the place. There are empty fish bottles everywhere! OK, time to get the hell out of here. To the shop I go. And because I have to buy something, please tell me what a good deal merchandise item is?\n\n[[1. Gender Friendly Figurines|5a]]\n[[2. Regurgitated Dinner Simulation Pack|5b]]\n[[3. Evil Motar Raaaah Pencil Case|5c]]